Happy Birthday Mr. B!

Dear Mr. B-

I cannot believe that I actually got to pick out my first husband birthday card. It’s still surreal to me sometimes that you and I are a Mr. & Mrs. But, I couldn’t be more happy! You are the man I have dreamed of all my life and I’m forever grateful that you’re the one standing by my side.

Thank you for being you! Silly, kind hearted, rugged, a beer snob and my cheerleader. You make my happy every single day and I don’t know where I would be without you. Thank you for making me feel beautiful and whole.

I love you more than anything you could ever think of, including Celebration Cake bars, green monster smoothies, and frozen yogurt from Jujube! You are my absolute everything and I can’t wait to pick out more husband birthday cards for you!

I love you Mr. B! And home is always whenever I’m with you!

xoxo,

Babe

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Tough Stuff: Loose Skin

The following issue I’m about to talk about is a tough one. One that I’ve been avoiding at all costs because it makes me really sad. I knew it would happen, but I still lived in denial thinking it wouldn’t. But as I continue to lose weight, it becomes a bigger issue.

Loose skin…

Ugh.

Just thinking about it makes me cry, in fact I’m writing this post while crying because it just sucks. There is no way around it.

I hoped that maybe my skin would be kind and go back to where it’s supposed to be. But who was I kidding, I’ve been overweight the great majority of my life, stretching my skin to the brink. Once something it stretched out, it’s hard for it to return to its original shape and size.

This is what has happened to my skin.

Loose skin on my arms, stomach, abdomen, and even my thighs. None of it is pretty and I look at it frequently standing naked in front of the mirror in absolute disgust. How could I not hate it and not expect it to make me sad?

The skin on my arms and thighs doesn’t bother me too much. My arms will hit my side and make a gross clapping sound, but I can live with that for now. The skin on my stomach and abdomen are what suck the most. If I don’t have it sucked in tight with a pair of workout pants, then it will pull and hurt when I do any jumping or even running at times. And it flops around and makes an even worse clapping sound. It hurts and sometimes even slows me down. I just discovered compression capris though, which have really helped with the issue.

Speaking of clothing…. I have a constant muffin top when wearing jeans do to it and I wear my jeans high to hide some of it. I wear leggings up to my boobs sometimes just to suck it all in and disguise it. Sometimes long-sleeved things are incredibly too tight in the arms because of the loose skin making my arms much bigger than they really are. So a lot of cute tops are still out of the question because of it.

There’s the issue of being naked too, but I won’t go into that. (My mom reads this for goodness sakes. Lol.)

It just really sucks being in a body that feels so freaking strong on the inside and then I look at it and just feel gross. I hate it and I’m trying to work on loving it, but it’s hard. Sigh.

Sure I could get surgery, but it’s crazy expensive. And I feel like I’ll probably need more than one and that’s super risky. Lots of recovery time, which means no working out. And there’s the fact that Mr. B and I want to have kids and I’m not sure what that would do to the skin after surgery.

So for now that’s all going to have to wait and I guess I’ll just have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

Sorry this was all so negative, but it’s how I feel about it. I don’t know many people who like the loose skin they have from weight loss. But I will say that I don’t regret losing the 155lbs that brought on the loose skin. I won’t regret having my health and the fact that I will now be able to have children and watch them grow up. I don’t regret the hard work or the dedication that I have given.

Because even though I have the loose skin….I’m still pretty fucking awesome! 🙂

150 GONE!!!

Gosh, I can’t believe I haven’t posted something on here yet!! I’m sure a few of you know the big news if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook…. I hit 150lbs lost!!!! Ya, wasn’t expecting it at all considering how crazy this week has been. I even went out to eat on Tuesday night. But when I weighed in at my meeting on Wednesday I was down 1.4 for a total of 150.2!

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Crazy awesome!!! And because I know you’ll all ask, here’s an updates side-by-side!

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I’m still super amazed that it has actually happened. And probably still slightly in shock! Lol. Next goal is 163.8 lost because that will be exactly half of my starting weight! Onward and downward!! What’s awesome in your life?