Remember when I hit my goal weight of 150 pounds back in May? Finally after years of hard work, I finally got to goal and saw a number I thought was pretty. I stayed there for 6 weeks of maintenance to hit Lifetime and even the beginning of July.
Then July happened and I celebrated my birthday for most of the month and my monthly weigh in for August wasn’t that pretty number. It was 5 pounds higher, which I figured would happen due to my celebrating. So, I spent the month of August trying to get back to that pretty number.
And I never came close.
I continued to bust my ass, but never quite got to that pretty number. I talked a few times with my leader about switching my goal and she suggested I go from Simply Filling back to counting PointsPlus to change it up.
I did. Lost a few pounds and then gained it back the next week, even though I was following plan. I continued trucking along this past week and when I weighed in yesterday morning, I was down .2.
I looked at my leader and told her I was done.
I told her that I’m over busting my butt trying to get to a number that just doesn’t want to happen. My body is obviously happy where it is an and is rebelling against trying to get back to that pretty number.
Now, to say that this was an easy decision would be a lie. I huffed and puffed about it for a while because to me 150 was a pretty number and that’s what I wanted. I had been working hard for that number and I wanted it. So, to give that number up sucks.
I can’t look at someone now and say “I have lost 177 pounds.” I have 35 5lb stickers on a bookmark and a 75lb charm to represent me losing 175 pounds.
But now I’ve only lost 172.6 pounds, not the number that includes the 175 pounds. Which, totally messes with my mind. To me, I feel like a ‘fake.’ Like I’m not as cool as I once was when I could say that I lost the 177.
But, I’m a human being who has lost weight and gets obsessed with the number on the scale. No matter how many times I tell you or myself that the number on the scale doesn’t matter, I still let it affect me.
I spent most of yesterday in the head space of feeling like a failure. And every time I entered that head space, I would ‘smack’ myself and remind myself that I’m still a rockstar.
I would remind myself (as would Mr. B) that I have still lost a lot of weight. I still feel more strong than I have ever in my life. I still look amazing in my clothes and I’m still super proud of all the choices I have been making lately.
And quite frankly, that is entirely more important than what the number on the scale is saying.
I mean, look at this chick? Can you tell that she’s rocking an extra 5 pounds?
Nope! To me she looks strong, healthy, and happy. Again, more important than those measly 5 pounds.
So, let’s all focus on how we’re feeling and the healthy choices we are making. Because those things are the important things. Just because you have a pretty number in your head doesn’t mean your body is going to like that pretty number. Your body knows best and even though that may be a hard concept to accept, it’ll fight you.
Mine has been fighting me for last month and a half. I’m glad I listened because beating myself up over tying to lose last 5 pounds again wasn’t working out too well. I would get frustrated and end up in a negative head space.
Now I’m living life at 155 and it feels just as great as life at 150!
Besides, I’m probably carrying around at least 5 pounds in loose skin. Lol.
Are you someone who is reaching for a “pretty number”?
Are you struggling to lose those last 5 pounds?