Letting Go of That “Pretty Number”

Letting Go of the "Pretty Number" by Brooke: Not on a Diet

Remember when I hit my goal weight of 150 pounds back in May? Finally after years of hard work, I finally got to goal and saw a number I thought was pretty. I stayed there for 6 weeks of maintenance to hit Lifetime and even the beginning of July.

Then July happened and I celebrated my birthday for most of the month and my monthly weigh in for August wasn’t that pretty number. It was 5 pounds higher, which I figured would happen due to my celebrating. So, I spent the month of August trying to get back to that pretty number.

And I never came close.

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I continued to bust my ass, but never quite got to that pretty number. I talked a few times with my leader about switching my goal and she suggested I go from Simply Filling back to counting PointsPlus to change it up.

I did. Lost a few pounds and then gained it back the next week, even though I was following plan. I continued trucking along this past week and when I weighed in yesterday morning, I was down .2.

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I looked at my leader and told her I was done.

I told her that I’m over busting my butt trying to get to a number that just doesn’t want to happen. My body is obviously happy where it is an and is rebelling against trying to get back to that pretty number.

Now, to say that this was an easy decision would be a lie. I huffed and puffed about it for a while because to me 150 was a pretty number and that’s what I wanted. I had been working hard for that number and I wanted it. So, to give that number up sucks.

I can’t look at someone now and say “I have lost 177 pounds.” I have 35 5lb stickers on a bookmark and a 75lb charm to represent me losing 175 pounds.

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But now I’ve only lost 172.6 pounds, not the number that includes the 175 pounds. Which, totally messes with my mind. To me, I feel like a ‘fake.’ Like I’m not as cool as I once was when I could say that I lost the 177.

Ridiculous? Totally.

But, I’m a human being who has lost weight and gets obsessed with the number on the scale. No matter how many times I tell you or myself that the number on the scale doesn’t matter, I still let it affect me.

I spent most of yesterday in the head space of feeling like a failure. And every time I entered that head space, I would ‘smack’ myself and remind myself that I’m still a rockstar.

I would remind myself (as would Mr. B) that I have still lost a lot of weight. I still feel more strong than I have ever in my life. I still look amazing in my clothes and I’m still super proud of all the choices I have been making lately.

And quite frankly, that is entirely more important than what the number on the scale is saying.

I mean, look at this chick? Can you tell that she’s rocking an extra 5 pounds?

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Nope! To me she looks strong, healthy, and happy. Again, more important than those measly 5 pounds.

So, let’s all focus on how we’re feeling and the healthy choices we are making. Because those things are the important things. Just because you have a pretty number in your head doesn’t mean your body is going to like that pretty number. Your body knows best and even though that may be a hard concept to accept, it’ll fight you.

Mine has been fighting me for last month and a half. I’m glad I listened because beating myself up over tying to lose last 5 pounds again wasn’t working out too well. I would get frustrated and end up in a negative head space.

Now I’m living life at 155 and it feels just as great as life at 150!

Besides, I’m probably carrying around at least 5 pounds in loose skin. Lol.

Are you someone who is reaching for a “pretty number”?

Are you struggling to lose those last 5 pounds?

  • Adrienne Graves

    I struggled with getting to that magic pretty number for a long time. I know exactly how you feel. I actually wrote a post about it yesterday…I threw out my scale and started listening to my body. It feels great, a little freeing. You look great, your transformation is amazing and you have so much to be proud of yourself for! Keep it up πŸ˜‰

    • Go you for listening to your body! Why is that such a hard concept for all of us to do? Our bodies obviously know best!

      Keep being awesome! πŸ™‚

  • Mae

    Sure it’s a pretty number, but you’re already pretty enough, so you have to leave some pretty available for the rest of us.

  • elsacbarbi@gmail.com

    I totally get you!! I started at 217 and my goal was 152, this way I can say that I’ve lost 65lbs, BUT my body doesn’t want to go there..so I have to settle for 155, which now sounds strange to say I’ve lost 62 lbs. HOWEVER, none of that has happened, still about 7lbs away! BTW how is the 30 day shred video going this time around? MUAH!

    • You’re not settling! You’re listening to your body! πŸ™‚

      I’m doing Ripped in 30 this time around and it’s painful, but I love it. πŸ˜‰

  • Jennifer Westra Blackham

    I just did a post yesterday, about getting obsessed with “pretty” numbers even for an individual workout.

    When I lost the weight originally (got to 135 back in 2006) I was thrilled. Then it went to 140, and I was ok with that. Then 145, and I actually still felt pretty good. Even to 150, I was surprised at how it didn’t feel THAT different than 135. Unfortunately, I COULD see it at anything above 150, but that didn’t stop me from putting the pounds back on over a few years, until I was back at 180 (where I had been to start). I’m now back to around 155 (almost there) and really hope to get back under 150 soon. The ultimate goal is to get back to 135, but I think I’ll be ok anywhere in the 135-150 range. The “normal” not “overweight” range.

    You look great!

    • Normal range is a good range to be in. Although, is there such a thing as normal? πŸ˜‰

  • Yeahhh I love this!!! You are so right the only person obsessed with those 5lbs is usually us!! no one else notices and thus we make ourselves miserable over a number, for what?! Interestingly once I stopped thinking about the number I lost a few lbs and didn’t even know it!

    • I know, I told Mr. B that I’d probably get back to 150 now that I’m not stressing out about it. Haha.

  • That is such a struggle. 140 was a PERFECT number for me for a while and I could rarely maintain it. After CrossFitting for a year it became apparent that as long as my pants fit well, the number on the scale didn’t matter as much. 142 is usually around where I end up when those size 8s fit well — but I expect that number to change as I continue to gain strength! Thanks for sharing!

    • It’s all about the good fitting jeans over here! Which deserves a whole other post itself because man those sizes very like CRAZY depending on the pant!

  • Laura

    I struggle with *wanting* to reach a pretty number, but who knows what it will be like if I ever get there. I just associate a low weight with a healthy lifestyle and since I’ve been so overweight most of my adult life, I sometimes feel like I just pick a number out of a hat (I’m 5’3 and thinking about 130-135) but I could be very happy at 140. I just don’t know. When I went to a free gym assessment the guy said he wanted to see me at 115. Go eff yourself, dude. That’s outrageous. Just because a number looks good on paper does not mean it works or looks good for your body.

  • Kelly @CurvyFitGirl

    THIS. All of this. At this point in your journey, yes, it was just a number. And you are way more than that right now. I told you just yesterday, I think you are perfect right now. It’s time to live, honey!

  • Jenn Lefebvre

    You look amazing and have lost an entire person! THAT is what is important πŸ™‚

  • I 100% relate to this entry. I have that magical “number” in my head and I’m definitely fearful that I will never reach it. I want to enjoy my life and have a little flexibility to eat what I want and we’ll see what weight my body chooses.

    You’ve lost over 170 pounds Brooke, that in itself is just amazing and you’re honesty is one of the reasons I follow your blog. Heck, if it weren’t for YOU, I wouldn’t be doing Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30 CONSISTENTLY! You inspired me to get active and commit to myself. You ROCK. xo

    • Magical numbers are exactly that…magical! But the point of all this is to be able to live ‘comfortably’ and sometimes that means not having that magical number. Keep working towards that number, but don’t be frustrated if it doesn’t happen exactly as planned. Our bodies are crazy things.

      And we have one week left of Ripped in 30! We’ve totally got this! We rock!!

  • Bonnie Stonebraker Davis

    Brooke, you and I are in the same weight range, and we are marvelous. I set my goal weight at 160 because I am 5’7 and bigger boned. I’ve made a private goal to stay under 155 but I jeep going up and down a lb over and over! I like u, just keep trying to remember how much better I do look at this weight than before and how I feel and not sweat the gains and losses. Maintenance is hard though!

    • We are marvelous! πŸ™‚ And maintenance is super tough! But, I’m more excited to be here than still in the weight loss phase.

      We’ve got this! πŸ™‚

  • Thank you, Jenn! πŸ™‚

  • Thank you, Kelly! We’re both better than some silly number!

  • I would really like to get to 145, but that’s because I KNOW I can be 145 as I lived there comfortably from 22-27, now that I’m 29, I’ve been battling 150.

  • Laura Melville

    You look great!! I hate that Weight Watchers tags you with a number only based on your height (and at my location they don’t even measure you for your height). They should include your age and body build into the mix. But by making you have that “focal weight” they mess with your mind in the hopes of keeping you a forever paying member. When you look in the mirror and are satisfied with what you see is where your goal weight is!

  • Lisa Eirene

    After losing 110 pounds, I still wanted to lose “those last 5” and never ever could…I’d get close but couldn’t maintain it. Even though I still want to get down to that number, I’m trying to let it go as my body clearly likes being at the weight I am!

  • Our bodies really seem to know best! Mine is quite happy with this extra 5 pounds! πŸ™‚ Plus if I did lose it again, it’d probably just come from my boobs. Lol